I hear a squeal of tires and there they go in their Black 1957 Chevy Bel Air (could they be any less obvious?). I throw down my Honey Buns. She starts complaining, but hey, this is my boy we're talking about here! (hee hee). I hop into the cockpit of my F-14, close the hatch and I set my bearings. By this time, the people are scattering from the parking lot. Or just hunching down. OK, so I burn a few as I take off. They ought to know better.

Anyway, I spot the terrorists from the air on the highway. I want to fire my weapons but my son is inside that really, gee that is a nice car isn't it? Anyhows, I follow them for what seems the longest time. Eventually they enter a tunnel inside a mountain. Guess what? Theys no come out the other end so I have to land carefully in a clearing that I make with my plane. Josh is going to hate me when he sees the damage. It's minimal.

I search for a compass and map. I swear I put it in the backseat somewhere. Dang! No go. I have to go this alone. Using my amazing outdoor skills, I find my way to the tunnel. (OK, so I listened for the highway sounds, sue me). I get to the tunnel and begin to inspect the walls. Ok, now where is my flashlight? The best thing I have on me is a penlight so I have to use it. I start at the middle of the tunnel. There isn't much leeway between me and the road so the few cars that drive by are at minimal distance.

Just my luck, I find a loose brick. I try to push it. It falls out of the tunnel wall. Nothing else happens. But what's this? A red button under the brick? I push the button and a small section of street begins to lower behind me. Wow. This is SO cool. I begin to wonder what they want with my son? Anyway, I have to go get him. Suddenly, a car starts coming down the tunnel in the same lane the opening is. It veers out of the way just in time. Whew. I jump onto the platform as it goes lower. Soon, it stops to reveal another underground road. I step off just as the platform begins to raise itself.

The road is low, just half the height of the tunnel, set off by red lights in regular intervals. I decide to follow it. After about 3 miles, no close calls, the road opens up into a HUGE hangar. Ok, so now my white t-shirt and khaki shorts will look so obvious. What do I do? There seems to be no one around so I decide to hide behind some nearby boxes and take a look around. The hangar is filled with boxes. Nothing but boxes. Everywhere I go. Boxes. Boxes. And MORE boxes. What the heck is going on?

I decide to open a crate. With my amazing karate skills, I open a box (Ok, so I kicked a hole in the cheap wood). Out falls a whole bunch of imitation toys for kids, close enough to the originals, but just different enough to know that Mattel doesn't make a Navy Seal Barbie, and that Nintendo makes Pokemon not Poke-herman. These guys plan on inundating the earth with cheap toys under the guise of major toymakers! That's going to have to stop. I don't dig cheap toys when I play with my son. They'll ruin the fun in the world!

Suddenly, I hear footsteps and a bad German accent saying, "Take Joshua to Playroom 51, give him zee toys and clothes." I can hear Joshua struggling as he screams "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME PLAY WITH THEM, YOU **!" I'm going to have to talk to him about his mouth. Suddenly, all was quiet. Then, the German accent said, "Ve have vays to make you play! Men! Vish heem a happy birthday." "NOOOOOOOOO!" Joshua screams. It takes everything I got to hold myself back. I'm ticked. There's gotta be a way I can get to him before they make him play. Oh no, what's that I hear? Footsteps coming closer...

Next episode: "VOT IN THE VORLD?!" or "WHO IS YOU PLAYING WITH?"